I noticed something this time though. I didn't ask God, "Why?" I've come to a point where I don't need to know why, because asking "why?" is why I'm here. Did you follow that?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. --Proverbs 3:5-6I questioned God a lot in my life. Why do I have to do this? Why are You doing this to me? Why am I being punished? Why, why, why? God is at a point where He's sick of me saying it, and He wants me to just trust that there's a reason. I don't need to know it. I just have to trust that He's doing something.
And He really is doing something. The fact that I didn't ask "Why?" but immediately said to God, "Thank you for holding me in this moment, and thank you for promising that you will get me through it", is huge. I'm almost having anxiety over the fact that I'm not more anxious right now....
God's got this.
That's my new motto. As soon as I feel the anxiety well up in me, as soon as the racing thoughts about finances, a place to live, a job or schooling or anything else flood my head, as soon as I feel that familiar dark shadow pull me into feeling like I can't do it...I say to myself, "God's got this."
A lot of people have said to me that I need to prepare, to "get my ducks in a row." But I have the biggest duck there is. God's got this. He'll tell me exactly when I need to start focusing on that stuff. And right now is not the time.
And if you don't believe me....
I had a rare moment in my day where I had to wait to do something. In that moment, one of those waves of anxiety about what I have to do next flooded over me and I started to hyperventilate. I seriously said out loud, "What the heck?" Where on Earth did that come from? Since I had to wait for something, I had the time to "listen" to God. I opened up my youversion app and read the chapter it randomly chose for me to read today: Isaiah 40. NIV labels in "Comfort for God's People". I don't believe in coincidences.
As I read, the anxiety washed away. Like a hug from God at the moment I needed it most. I was telling a friend about that tonight and just started crying at the sheer awesomeness of our loving Father. He knew what I needed. He needed to speak to me at that moment. He opened the door to give me a second to listen to Him. And I obeyed.
God's got this!
...but those who hope ("wait" in ESV) in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. --Isaiah 40-31 (NIV)