Waiting for Boaz

I can give you a million excuses as to why I've only written once in the last year.  But it's between me and God.  At this point though, if I have any readers, do me a favor and keep me accountable. I'm diving back into daily devotionals, and writing after reading was always a way for me to really let it sink in.  So if you don't hear from me in a while, holler at me, not because you are dying to read my thoughts (even though I know you are, obviously), but because you want my walk with God to be as strong as ever.

Now on to the subject matter at hand...

I was at church a few weeks ago and stopped afterwards to chat with Rachael, a long time friend of mine.  We talked about finances mostly. I'm a single mom of four kids who has taken time off from working to give one of my struggling sons the time and attention he needs to function properly.  It's tough, but I'm getting by.  My faith hasn't faltered. Through all of this, I still know God's got this.  No. Matter. What.

After chatting, she asked if she could pray for me.  "Of course!" I said enthusiastically.  I love it when she prays!  It's moving.  You can feel the spirituality flow through you.  And for some reason, I always feel like her words to God pack such a huge punch in that moment.  I always come out of it feeling like something was heard. I know God always hears me, and you, and anyone praying, but there's just something about Rachael's words and how she presents them.

She started off the prayer thanking God for bringing me back to my home church, the one I went to in high school, which is why we were sitting together catching up in the first place.  She expressed how we are faithful in the fact that we know He holds my finances in His hands.  She asked God to open doors for me for specific opportunities that I wish to keep between myself, Rachael, and God for right now.  Then all of a sudden she stopped as if something came to realization.  As if someone standing next to her whispered into her ear that that wasn't what I needed prayers for at all...

She continued by asking God to not make me lonely anymore.  Something that we had not talked about once in our conversation, but it hit me like a ton of bricks because that, my friends, is what I am struggling with most right now.  Tears streamed down my face as she compared me to Ruth and asked God to bring me my Boaz.  Her words swirled around me and I felt lighter.  God knew I needed to hear that before I fell once again.

Now skip forward to a few nights ago....

I was lying in bed feeling quite forlorn. Bedtime is usually when this hits me the hardest.  I tuck my kids, my only daily company, in their beds, and there I am left to sit alone, to entertain myself, to comfort myself to sleep.  The weightiness of the desolation is painful at times.  I drown out the sorrow with TV and often sleeping medications because I just do not want to face it.

This night, however, I decided I needed to read the Bible instead.  The word "Boaz" echoed in my ears as I picked up my iPad and opened up the YouVersion app. I've read the book of Ruth before, but never really studied it. So I decided to look for a plan that focused on one chapter of Ruth each day.  I found one, clicked on it, and felt like God was smacking me in the face!

"Like Ruth, stay in your field and be faithful where you have been planted.  Remain where God has placed you. Don't stray away from the field that God has put you in for this season just to go into another field where you will be out of His will (Ruth 2:8-9)."

I've been wondering where God wants me right now because I feel lost where I am.  He answers so blatantly with such conviction sometimes!

But there's more...

"Ladies:  WAIT FOR YOUR BOAZ"

Just that one simple sentence.  "Wait for your Boaz."  I have little to no patience ever.  In all situations, I want what I want and I want it now.  I often go looking for what I want and find a variation of it ending up settling for what's not right for me because I'm too impatient to wait for what God intends.

God clearly shouted this at me when I needed to hear it most.  I mean, seriously, this was in all caps in the devotional. He makes me chuckle sometimes.

So I will wait....impatiently.  But I know it's what's best.  All of this has happened for a reason.  I know that when Boaz finally finds me, it will be better than anything because it is what God intends.  Marriage means a completely different thing to me now.

And as my mom said to me earlier this month:  "God is working on him before he brings him to you."

Bigger Miracles

Anyone can heal a man, but raising him from the dead?  Now that takes a bigger miracle.

Jesus had a friend named Lazarus.  He was very ill, so his sister, Martha, sent for Jesus.  "Lord, the one you love is sick." (John 11:3)  He loved him.  And although he knew his cherished friend was dying, he stayed where he was for two more days.

Why did he do that?  Lazarus was very ill, on his deathbed.  And Jesus loved him....he LOVED him.  Why did he wait if he knew that he was so close to death?

Lazarus died.  Jesus already knew that.  He waited the two days so that Lazarus would die.  What?  Didn't we just establish that he loved him??

"So then he told them plainly, 'Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe." -John 11:14-15

By the time they got to Lazarus, he had already been in the tomb for four days.  I tried to look up how long he was actually dead before Jesus got there, but Google frustrated me, so I gave up.  BUT think about it.  In this day and age, funerals are typically 4ish days after death.  Who knows about back in those times, but I would assume they had to take some time to prepare the tomb and the body before it was buried.  So Lazarus was dead probably about a whole week before Jesus got there.  Now we have established that Lazarus was not just barely dead, but completely dead....a week's worth of dead.

"'Lord,' Martha said to Jesus, 'if you had been here, my brother would not have died." -John 11:21

Martha and Mary (her sister) were mad.  They knew he could have gotten there before he died, but he didn't.  In fact, Mary wouldn't even come out to greet Jesus when he arrived she was so upset with him.  

Jesus cried for his beloved friend.  Everyone around him saw how much he loved Lazarus.  But still they were so confused as to why he waited to come.  Why would a man that can heal a blind stranger not come running to save the life of his dear friend?

Martha and Mary took Jesus to Lazarus' tomb and when Jesus said to remove the stone, Martha protested that her very dead brother would stink.  But Jesus had bigger miracles for those who believed.

"Then Jesus looked up and said, 'Father, I thank you that you have heard me.  I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." -John 11:41-42

After he spoke, his completely dead friend walked out of the tomb.

Like I said, anyone can heal a man, but it takes a bigger miracle to raise him from the dead.  Jesus knew what he was doing the whole time.  He knew his friend would die, and he knew he would bring him back to life.  He knew that they would be sad that he got there too late, but he knew raising him from the dead would make them believe more than healing him would.

Have you ever caught yourself in a really big trial in your life and wondered why God was taking so long to heal you?  It's because He has a bigger miracle to show you, to show the world.  He's waiting for the right moment to raise you from the dead because that is bigger than what you expect Him to do.  And when that bigger miracle happens, when you see the "glory of God" (v.40), you have no choice but to believe.

Time to Speak?

A couple weeks ago I started reading a devotional plan based on the book of Nehemiah.  Late last week, a devotional blog that I follow started a new plan on Nehemiah too.  I found it kind of redundant and thought to myself that I didn't have to read this new one because I had already read about it in a different devotional. But then I thought, "No, God must have a plan here or he wouldn't want me to study this twice."

Now a little back story here.  Nehemiah was working for the king far away from home when he found out that his home was destroyed.  He waited 4 months until the king finally asked him why he was so sad, and upon telling him what had happened, the king immediately said to go help his people rebuild. (Nehemiah 2:1-2)  Nehemiah waited silently until it was the right time.  Home destroyed, wait silently.  Sound familiar?

Nehemiah knew God's plan for him was a great one. He was to step out in faith and rebuild the walls around Jerusalem.  Nehemiah wasn't a carpenter or construction worker.  He didn't have a crew.  He didn't have the materials.  He just was to go there and do it.  Just do it!  And because he trusted that God would provide, he did it.

While he was building the wall, the enemies started taunting him and his faith (also sounding familiar?).  Nehemiah took time out of his work to pray for them.  Not to yell back and argue.  Not to fight with them and call them names too.  No, he prayed.  (Nehemiah 4:1-5)

Then through his faith he fought back to protect the wall he was rebuilding with the other Israelites.

"We must post our defenses in our weakest points, ready to defend, with other followers, with strength of His word, with the power of the Holy Spirit."  --Nehemiah 4:13

I didn't know it the first time I read these words, but I did the same thing.  I have been talked about behind my back pretty badly for two months now.  As I sit and wait in silence, I pray for them.  And moreover, I got ready to defend myself with The Word.  I have read and read and learned so much in the last two months. Still a long way to go, but I know so much more than I did a few months ago.


I had fallen behind on my devotionals recently, so the first one I read today was from May 20th titled "The Gift of Friendship to Accomplish God's Work".

"Nehemiah has a gift for asking for help and being specific in his needs.....When we ask for help and work with others for the Lord's calling, we open doors that might have been impossible to open alone....Our Christian friendships allow us to use each other's God-given gifts to work together for His greater plan." --She Reads Truth

For several weeks, God has answered one of my questions clearly.

Should I say something, Lord?

"No, ZIP YOUR LIPS!  I am working on this right now."

I have sat back quietly.  Praying and praying.  Every day among my prayers, I would ask the same thing, every day I would get another scripture that says to stay still and be quiet.

This weekend, my prayers changed slightly asking God to put someone in my husband's life that will tell him what he is doing is wrong.  At church on Sunday, I prayed this over and over. I had these strong urges to talk to a couple of people who I thought would be a good person for this job, but when I asked God if this was where I was to speak, I didn't get an answer.  Since I had so clearly gotten an answer over and over again not to speak.  I knew I needed to wait for an answer to speak.

And today I read this devotional about Nehemiah asking for help.

Is it time, Lord, that I should speak?  And if so, whom shall I speak to for help?  Guide me, God.  Help me find the right person and tell me clearly this is who I am supposed to be asking for help.  Give me the courage and strength to ask them and give them an open and willing heart to help me.  Give them the courage to step in and tell their friend that what he is doing is wrong in your eyes, Lord.  Help them help me bring his heart out of darkness and back to the light.  I ask you all these things in your son's name, Amen.

Battle of Wills

I sat outside my son's bedroom door for 45 minutes last night while he alternated yelling at me and softly apologizing and pleading with me to let him out.

He wasn't very good at an event last evening.  So as a consequence, he was not going to get ice cream like the rest of my children.  Upon getting this news, he decided to yell the words "Ice Cream" for ten minutes as we drove home from the event.

When we arrived home, I calmly said, "Now you have lost your privilege to stay up any longer (it was 730 anyway so bed time was near).  Go to your room."  He planted his feet into the ground and refused to move and said once again, "ICE CREAM!"  Without a word, I picked him up and carried him to his bedroom.  He grabbed anything we passed trying to stay put or throwing objects at me.  I placed him in his room and said, "You have not respected me this evening and therefore you will pay the consequence."  Then I closed the door.

Almost immediately, he opened it and said, "Haha! I can get out! I'm not staying in here!"  This was going to be a battle of wills, I could tell!  I gently pushed him back from the door and closed it again.  No words, just action.  This time I held the knob so he couldn't open it again.

He screamed at me about how I was an awful mom.  He kicked and punched the door, threw some toys at it too.  Then laid down on the floor and spoke to me from under the door. "Mommy, I want a hug and a kiss."  Trying to pull on my heartstrings, I see.

"You may come out and give me a hug and a kiss but then you will go back in and pay your consequence."

"But I am apologizing!  Please forgive me!"

"I forgive you, son, but you will still have to pay the consequence for your actions."

More screaming at me and hitting the door, more pleading for me to give in.

When he finally calmed down and it was evident he would stay in his room with out me sitting by the door, I opened it and said, "Son, God tells us in the Bible to respect our mothers.  You have had a hard time with that tonight and a lot lately.  You need to know that I will not tolerate that.  We all make mistakes, and luckily, God forgives us when we ask for forgiveness.  And God has also told us to forgive others as he has forgiven us, so I forgive you too.  But we still have to pay our consequences so we learn from our actions."

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1

I'm proud of myself.  It took 45 minutes but he finally realized I wasn't going to just let him go.  And even more over, I didn't raise my voice or do anything that was mean/harmful.  I just stood my ground.  I prayed through the whole happening.  "God, give me strength to stand firm."

After the whole ordeal, I was completely exhausted. I got the other three kids up in their beds and then sat down at the computer to write about it and just started bawling.  I prayed some more, "God, give me a sign that I did the right thing."

And on Facebook, a few posts down on my newsfeed, was this:

"It may be hard, but the greater the difficulty, the greater the reward. When you sow a radical seed of obedience, you will reap a radical reward." --Joel Osteen Ministries

I let out a sigh of relief, and through my tears, thanked God for telling me what I needed to hear at that moment.

Positivity

I've already quoted this scripture and written on it in the last couple of weeks, but I had a morning full of resentment and decided I needed to remind myself.

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." --Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

Today I looked up another version of the scripture.  The Message tends to put things in the most easily understood way.  I find that if I read several versions of one scripture, I "get it" better.

Without focusing on the negative too much, this morning, someone could have done something for me very easily instead of making me do it.  But it was not done, and I felt pretty annoyed.  I wanted to say something to this person.  I wanted to nag them for sitting around and not helping me out.  But I bit my tongue.  Nagging won't help.

I prayed to God asking for words to use to ask for help effectively.  I kid you not, in mid sentence of this prayer, God gave me this scripture.  It popped right into my head: "Things to praise, not things to curse."  I made a mental list of the things that this person did do this morning that were honorable.

I'm not going to lie and say that this cleared my heart of bitterness.  I wish it did. But it cleared my mind and reminded me that there isn't all bad in this person.

It was also put on my heart to email them and apologize for being cold due to the resentment.  I didn't talk much this morning because I felt so negative.  I didn't want to let the animosity leave my head via my mouth.  But in doing that, I also became terse and standoffish.  I wasn't very pleasant this morning although I wasn't nearly as bad as I used to get.

I'm a work in progress....