Seek Ye First...

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. --Matthew 6:33 (KJV)

A few weeks ago, I got to a point in life where I realized the first things I did every single day had nothing to do with God.  And each time I did these things, I felt guilty that I waited to do devotionals, read the bible, or pray until after they were done.  How on Earth did a get to a point where Facebook and emails were more important to me than God?

I was reading a book and the above scripture was the title of the chapter.  Actually, I think it was just "Seek ye first...".  It spoke about always going to God first in everything--first thing in the morning, first thing when you have a problem, first thing when you are thankful, FIRST.  Funny thing, I was reading it last.  The very last thing I was doing that day.

I fell asleep after reading that chapter.  When I woke in the morning, the first thing that came to my mind before any other thoughts (even that I had to pee) was, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God."  I knew God was talking to me.  So I immediately read the two devotionals that I read each day and a chapter in proverbs (as I am working through proverbs and then through psalms).  I did it before I even touched my phone, before I went to the bathroom, before I woke the kids and attended their needs.  God came first!

The next day, the same thing happened. I awoke and heard clearly, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God."  In fact, ever since then, every single morning when I wake up, that's the first thing that runs through my mind.  And I obey.

Last week I had a particularly trying day that ended in an awful evening that broke my heart. In order to save other's reputations ("Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." --Ephesians 4:29) and not cause additional strife, I am not going to share exactly what happened.  Just know it hurt me a lot.  Like to the point where I thought I was going to die from the pain within me.  My initial thought this time, however, was not to run to a friend, my mom, anybody BUT God.  "Seek ye first..."  I needed to turn to God in that exact moment to ask Him to help me through it.  I prayed and prayed, just me and God.  When I finally calmed down a bit, I was able to call a close friend of mine who prayed with me.

In her prayers, she asked God to show me how much He loves me and to give me something to hold on to that will be a symbol to me and remind me constantly.  I went to sleep still feeling like a truck hit me, but I had a peace over me that reminded me that tomorrow is a new day ("Weeping may stay for the night but rejoicing comes in the morning." --Psalm 30:5).  When I woke up in the morning, I seeked God first.  First, I thanked Him for helping me through the night and giving me a long night's rest.  I asked for continued strength, trust and patience that His will would soon be done.  I just have to keep going.  I read my bible, I did my devotions.  When I finally was done, I did my "second"--checked my email.  Sitting in front of the computer screen was a package that just said "A Gift for Taylor".  It must have arrived the day before when I was out of town.  I opened it up and there was a little card inside that said,

To Taylor,
 ...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you. --Matthew 17:20b

And under that was a little silver necklace with a mustard seed pendant.  There was no indication as to who it was from at all. It was sent directly to me from the store that carries the jewelry, so I couldn't check the post office stamp.  No way of knowing.

Mustard Seed Necklace gift from A Perfect Peace

But I knew.  It was from God.  He told someone that I was in desperate need of a gift to help me to keep going, and that person listened faithfully.  And at the exact right moment, God gave it to me.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  God's got this...as long as I keep seeking Him before all things, He's going to keep speaking to me and helping me through this.  In the end, I will be made anew, and I will have what is promised.

Baby Steps

God answered a prayer for me this morning.

I laid in bed last night praying and fumbled over my words.  I ended up getting my prayer journal out and wrote out my prayer instead.  Sometimes I need to do that because the devil fills my head with distractions.  Although God knows what I am trying to say even when I don't (Romans 8:26), I get frustrated with my prayers when they don't make sense.  I literally stopped what I was saying and hung my head.  I sighed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I want to say right now."  And I picked up my pen and paper and it flowed.

I asked for two specific things.  The first was for my husband to want to spend time with his kids as I feel like they have lost some importance on his hierarchy of priorities lately.  The second is more personal and I don't need to share it here.  It's between me, God and my husband (someday).

This morning, I asked him if he would like to go with the kids and I to a local festival.  He asked what time we were leaving and when I said 9:30 he hemmed and hawed and said probably not.  I said we could skip the first parade and just go to a later event at noon to see if he would go with us later.  He said sure, that the kids would like that (if he came with us).  I can't tell you how my heart leapt for joy!

It was short lived.  When I looked up the festival and found we had to pay to get in.  Boo!  So I mentioned it to him saying we would just not go and I would find something for the kids to do here at home.  Then without a beat he said, "Let's just go to the parade like we originally planned and then go out to lunch."  I think I glowed at this moment.  First, he said "we"!!!  That's huge!  He has not used "we", "our", "us" since this started two months ago.  Second, he purposefully made a point to do something with his family even though something got in the way of it.

I enjoyed the time together.  We were like a family for the first time in months.

It gets better....

I clean our floors almost every night now that the kids are playing outside all the time because they track in dirt and mud everywhere.  It's kind of become a routine of mine and I'm not too upset when the footprints appear every night.  I swept up the dirt, then using the sink in the bathroom for my "mop bucket", mopped the floor.  After the floors were clean, the sink was then filthy.  So I got out the bathroom cleaner and started cleaning the vanity.  My daughter walked in then and said, "Can I help?"  She grabbed the cleaner then started scrubbing the bathtub.  What is it with kids that they love to clean when you don't ask them, but when you do it's like pulling teeth?  The cleaning bug trickled down to my other kids and soon I had one in the bathtub, one doing dishes and one folding towels.  What?!

All while this was going on, my husband was watching TV...or something, I don't remember. It wasn't  important to me. It's my job to keep the house. (Proverbs 31:27)  And I'm happy to do it for the Lord.  But soon after my son got out the vacuum, he got up and started moving furniture around to help him get the dust bunnies behind them.  I sat back and watched after mopping the floors, cleaning the vanity, and scrubbing the toilet.  Not that he never does anything around the house, but it was a family effort and he wanted to be part of it.  I smiled.

Thank you, God, for baby steps.  I know you are moving here and I know that the other request I had for you last night will be answered too in your time.  Thank you so much for this day, the time with my family, the sunshine, the fun event we got to enjoy together.  Even though we were at each other's throats at times, we still had love among us.  These times together as a family are so far and few between lately that I treasure each one.  Thank you, thank you, Lord, for giving it to us.  Amen.