Hello, My Name is....

If it weren't for the fact that I keep in touch with the majority of my friends and run a business through it, I would get rid of Facebook. Hurtful talk and acts run rampant on that site. People use it to passively speak to others which can be either about you or about someone else, but still hurts you all the same. It ruins relationships, it cultivates gossip, it destroys communication, it distracts from work and what needs to be done in "real" life. In short, Facebook is the devil's playground. Beware!

The other day, someone said something mean about me on someone else's public Facebook status. Just plainly put it out there where they knew I would see it.  They persecuted my new found love of Christ and my blatant display of my walk with and trust of God saying that I was putting on a show. 

Normally, I would publicly fight back and call said person some choice names that would not pleasing to the Lord. I would retaliate by sharing their missteps and downfalls publicly and banding my friends together to form a hate group about them. Basically, I would stoop to their level.

But just as this happened, God said, "You got it wrong!"  Remember the other day when I posted a blog about standing up for myself and time to speak? I was wrong. My interpretation was off.  I'm glad I sat back and prayed about that more asking God for a very clear answer as to whether or not I was to speak yet. What I thought He was saying to me was wrong.

God was preparing me though the book of Nehemiah to be able to defend my faith.  He was telling me that it was time to speak in this situation. Not in what I had thought a few days ago.

I wrote to the person, who is a "Christian" woman, and asked if she believed that the Bible is truth.  I said that if she did, as any Christian would, then she would believe that anyone can be made new in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Through my time in the word over the last 2.5 months, I was able to stand up straight and use scripture to say what needed to be said.

I am Nehemiah. I am rebuilding a home, I am fighting the enemies' persecution and mocking, I am using scripture to defend what I am doing.  I will continue to build no matter what comes my way and I will defend.

I am Saul.  I persecuted Christianity and let my faith fall, I was blind...then I heard God's voice and now I see.  I am Paul.  I am mocked. I have people who do not believe me.  I have people casting stones and trying to beat me down. But I will stand as God has asked me to.

Hello, my name is child of the one true King 

I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free

“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing

Hello, my name is child of the one true King

I am no longer defined By all the wreckage behind

The one who makes all things new

Has proven it’s true

Just take a look at my life

-Matthew West

FMF: Brave

Five Minute Friday: One word prompt; Five minutes of uninterrupted, unfiltered writing.  However, I never time myself.  Why censor what is from the heart?

BRAVE

I've been likening myself to Saul/Paul lately.  If you don't know the story, Saul was one of the leaders against all those who followed Christ.  He was a murderous and hateful individual.  One day as Saul was traveling to Damascus where he is going to seek permission to arrest any Christians and take them back to Jerusalem to stand trial, the lord literally opens up the sky and speaks to him:

He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” --Acts 9:4

Saul had such a great responsibility in the construction of Christianity all over the world that the lord asked him personally "What the heck are you doing?"  God then makes him blind and tells him he must go see Ananias in order to see again.  Saul is obedient and sure enough scales fall from his eyes and he could see again.

Saul was converted to Paul and became one of the foremost leaders of the Christian church preaching to everyone about Jesus Christ.  The thing is, no one believed him.  Here we have an awful human being saying he was now following Christ.  He was persecuted for his beliefs and his life was even threatened.  He eventually ended up in jail because of his undying faithfulness to the lord.

Now I personally am not a murderer by any means...and I'm not saying I'm a saint either.  My point is that God took a horrible beast and made him one of his own.  God loves everyone and anyone can be changed in God's love.  Even me.

Paul preached to those who didn't believe him.  That's pretty brave of him.  He stood up against all odds to show his love and commitment to Christ, and he never backed down.

I know right now a lot of people are looking at me saying I am "just acting."  They don't believe that I am a changed person.  They don't believe that my life is now dedicated to my love of Christ and my obedience to God.  As an earthly being, this is difficult to face.  As a spiritual daughter, God gives me the bravery I need to continue on because I ask for it.

Paul preached the gospel to many nations and is seen as one of the most important people in the bible and all because he just wouldn't stand down to the people who did not believe he had changed.

Saul

Last Tuesday, I read a devotional about Saul, a man consumed by hatred, vengeance, and violence, who turns his life to God and becomes Paul, one of the greatest missionaries the world has ever seen. That's the extent to what I know about Saul as I didn't read much more about him than what was in the devotional.

But God speaks to me again...

At church yesterday, Saul was brought up. Then this morning, while reading another devotional, Saul is mentioned yet again!

"In the book of Acts we hear of a man named Saul. He was an incredible instrument of commitment, initiative and passion.

However, he was not making a pleasant sound with his life. He was using his position to harm and destroy. But Jesus turned His life around in such a way that Saul was able to make a beautiful tune that it is still resounding 2000 years later.

It was hard for Jesus’ followers to believe that someone who had been making such a horrendous noise could bring pleasant music to their ears, however, Jesus told them that Saul was His chosen instrument. Anyone who has been chosen by God can make a beautiful sound in this world. It does not matter about our upbringing, our outward appearance, or even how much we are worth. When we are obedient to Christ our life will make the most lovely tune."

I started my walk back to God hating who I had become while stewing in anger and resentment over the last several years. I doubted my ability to change and become what God wants me to be. He's telling me I can do it.

I'm going to dive deep into the story of Saul to become encouraged and inspired. Seems to be what God is giving to me in this time of need.

God Speaks

Last night, I lay in bed fraught with anxiety and depression over my current situation.  Seems like nights are the hardest.  Going to bed, I get flooded with emotion and cry and cry.  And sleep evades me which is torturous because I feel that if only sleep would come, I wouldn't feel.  If I could sleep through this distress, I would....but that's not possible.

I digress...

So I lay in bed crying after reading for an hour and a half multiple devotionals and scriptures on topics I chose.  I lay there feeling so empty and lost and hopeless.  I cried and I said aloud, "God, I have been praying to you nonstop for 2.5 weeks now and I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over.  I don't know what to pray for, I don't know what is right.  I just want you to speak to me."  Within minutes, I fell asleep.

This morning, I woke up grateful for a new day.  Grateful that the night, the hardest part, was over.  Grateful that I could fill my time (and thus my mind) with busy work so that I wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore.  After I got my kids around and they were off to school, I sat down with my iPad and started reading the newsfeed.  Probably the third post down was a daily devotional that I had just recently subscribed to.  The first word I saw was "Compassion".  My heart skipped a beat as I remembered that just the night before in my frantic search of devotionals and scriptures to help me sleep, I had looked up the word "Compassion". 

com·pas·sion /kəmˈpaSHən/ (Noun) Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others

I read the devotional and felt immediately like God was speaking to me.

" 'It doesn’t end at the beginning.' While Saul’s story begins with hatred, vengeance and violence, that is not the end of his story.

Through Christ, Saul becomes Paul and ends up as one of the greatest missionaries this world has ever seen. While his beginning was dark, through Christ, his ending was filled with light.

This is true for our lives too. No matter how we came into this world, or how we have acted in the past, that is not our final chapter.

 Through Christ we can bring life, hope and love into our world so that others can also experience this brighter future."

You see, I feel like I'm an awful person.  I have walked away from God. I have filled myself with anger and resentment.  I have been mean and hurtful towards people I love.  I have not been walking a Christian life.  And I lay in bed last night crying asking God to speak to me and He literally thrusts this in my face(book).

God loves me and forgives me because He has compassion.  And no matter how bad it gets, I need to remember that I can change if I walk with Him.  I've been asking God to forgive me these last couple of weeks. I have been asking him to change me and right when I feel hopeless, right when I ask him to speak to me...He does.