Bitter Party

From a pity party to a bitter party...

I don't know what is eating at me, but I am so grumpy.  I'm really irritable.  Little things are annoying me so much.  I have this knot in my chest and feel overwhelmed by this anger, and I don't even know where it's coming from.

Nothing has changed in the major situation I have been in for the last several months.  No one has done anything different.  No more moves have been made.  No more words have been said.

Yet for the past two weeks I have just been all around angry.  Angry at the world again.  Am I stuck on the Angry-Go-Round?  I don't even know what I'm angry about. I'm just so....ARGH!

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. --Ephesians 4:31

I am trying, Lord, but I don't even know where it's coming from.  Please just cleanse me of this desire to hate everything and everyone.  Please relax my body, my mind, and my heart.  Loosen my clenched jaw and release my furrowed brow.  Help me to take deep breaths and feel good.  Fill me with your love and let it pour out of me.  Make it fill me so much that there is no room for anger, resentment, irritability.  During this time, help me to keep my mouth shut.  Let nothing flow from me but your love. Let no one see how dark I am inside right now.

I have come so far in the last five months and I feel it all slipping away because of the last few weeks where I have just felt so negative.  I can't let that happen. I won't.

The Angry-Go-Round

One of my constant prayers lately has been for peace.  I'm so angry and resentful, and I know that has only caused what is going on in my life both from my end and others'.  An angry-go-round.  I'm mad at you, you're mad at me, let's treat each other like dirt to punish one another, which brings more anger.  Is anything going to be resolved?  Not when you hate each other.

Last week or so, one of my sons was very angry at the other one for some trivial act (like maybe he touched him or something, heaven forbid!).  So he hauled off and punched him.  Not an uncommon occurrence in our house although we have tried and tried again to explain why this is just not right.  This time, instead of yelling at him I quoted scripture:

"Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." ~ Romans 12: 17-18

Then I said to my son, "Do you think Jesus would have punched his brother since his dad said this in the bible?"  Hmm...that struck a chord.  Then I asked, "How did your punching your brother help in this situation?"  He thought a while and said it didn't.  I said, "It made him more angry, didn't it?  And did it take away your anger."  "No", He said.  So I prayed with him.  And wouldn't you know it, he wasn't angry anymore.

I have a huge issue with anger.  I get angry easily and then I really take it out on people. I hold on to it too.  Like "I'm angry today, so it's going to ruin the rest of my rackin' frackin' week!"  And through this anger, my mouth becomes a weapon that I cannot control and has been known to ruin relationships and situations.  In fact, as I said above, it has put me where I am right now.

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." ~James 1:19-21

Hold your tongue.  Pray for peace from God.  Ask Him to take away the resentment and to give you the words He wants you to say.  Don't speak from a hateful heart.  Is it going to make you less angry to hurt someone else?