Delight in Weakness

Every few weeks, I post a blog about how I am weak and falling apart.  If you are a woman, you know what  I mean when I say, "It's that week."

I think the devil knows that this is the perfect opportunity to attack me.  At all other times, I'm pretty much at peace with what is going on. I know that God is working. I have no doubts at all.  I'm standing strong in my faith.

Then this week hits.  The devil weasels his way into the crack and bursts me into tiny little pieces.  I can't breathe.  I can't muster up enough energy to gather the pieces so I curl up in my bed reeling from the pain of this situation.

It hurts.  It hurts so much...

The last time, I spent two days straight laying in bed crying and praying to the Lord.  "Please, dear God, please.  Make. this. stop."

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. --2 Corinthians 12:9-10

FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG!!!!  Take that, Devil!

Stronger

I know that God is using me right now. He's building up an amazing testimony that will knock the socks off of everyone who hears it someday. It's going to make a difference in many lives. It will even save some.

Lord, I want you to use me. But please, as you use me, as you build up this testimony, make me stronger. 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

He has promised me. And He will. For I have mustard seeds.

In fact, I bought five packs of them to throw at the enemy when he attacks me.

I. Will. Win.

Strength and Tiny Blessings

Yesterday kind of sucked for me. It was Mother's Day, and I felt like I deserved a nice relaxing day off from everything.  Apparently, I was the only one who thought that as nothing was done around the house including feeding the kids.  I felt really unappreciated.  I felt punished.  I felt as though a few people in my life were being hateful and hurtful on purpose.

Around 5:30pm yesterday, I finally had enough of feeling like poo and went to visit a friend for a quick hug.  I told her that this was so hard.  One thing she said to me resonated in my head the rest of the night:

"Some day, God is going to say to you, 'Look how strong you were!'  And that will get you through the next trial."

I never thought about it like that.  So I thought back on all the times I have said before, "This is so hard. I can't do it."  And I got through and look at those moments in my life saying, "I was so strong." (Or rather, people remind me of them to show my strength as sometimes I'm just blinded to what I have accomplished.)

One day, God's going to use this time to help me get through another.

As if those words weren't encouraging enough, this morning in two separate devotionals by two separate authors and ministries God spoke to me.  Both expressed the importance of finding the little miracles where you are right now on the way to where I am going.  In other words, stop complaining about what is going wrong and focus on the little itty bitty things that make a day worthwhile.

Tiny blessing from yesterday:  I bought a pack of four colored pens (purple, blue, green, and orange).  For some reason that makes me happy.  Now my devotional notes look oh-so-pretty.

After reading those two devotionals (and all the others I read first thing in the morning), the very last one said this:

"Trials come to prove your strength in God!"

Thank you for speaking to me, Lord!

Doubt is not an Option

Over the last ten years, I've had so many things happen in my life that caused me to question where God was.  I felt like with each new thing that I was forced to suffer through that God was less and less real to me.

At first, I was angry.  Why are you doing this to me, God?  I'm a good person.  I got through the last trial you gave me and I still believe, so why are you giving me another?

Then I started to doubt.  God would never keep doing this to one person, would He?  Are we wasting our time praying to something that doesn't exist?  Where is God in this and why isn't He helping me?

I started skipping church because I just didn't feel like going, and when I did go, I would play games on my phone the whole time because I didn't like listening to the message.  Again, I felt it was a waste of time.  He wasn't real.  Why did I get up when I could be still in bed all snuggly warm snoozing away?

There were times here and there where I had overwhelming feelings that my doubt was wrong, but I decided not to listen to God talking directly to me and let the doubt consume me instead.  I didn't believe anymore.  I didn't trust that God had a plan for me.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" -- Hebrews 11:1

Apparently, God was using my strength to get through all these things to show others that they can get through their trials and tribulations too.  I never knew that.

Someone recently called me "the strongest person they ever knew".  I laughed inwardly because they didn't know how weak I was.  Then another person said it within 24 hours of the first.  What was I not seeing that these people were?  God wanted to show me that I am strong and I can do this.  I can have faith and not succumb to what is overcoming me right now.  I can stand and not be knocked over.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."--2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Imagine how much stronger I am now that I have faith on my side.