Doubt is not an Option

Over the last ten years, I've had so many things happen in my life that caused me to question where God was.  I felt like with each new thing that I was forced to suffer through that God was less and less real to me.

At first, I was angry.  Why are you doing this to me, God?  I'm a good person.  I got through the last trial you gave me and I still believe, so why are you giving me another?

Then I started to doubt.  God would never keep doing this to one person, would He?  Are we wasting our time praying to something that doesn't exist?  Where is God in this and why isn't He helping me?

I started skipping church because I just didn't feel like going, and when I did go, I would play games on my phone the whole time because I didn't like listening to the message.  Again, I felt it was a waste of time.  He wasn't real.  Why did I get up when I could be still in bed all snuggly warm snoozing away?

There were times here and there where I had overwhelming feelings that my doubt was wrong, but I decided not to listen to God talking directly to me and let the doubt consume me instead.  I didn't believe anymore.  I didn't trust that God had a plan for me.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" -- Hebrews 11:1

Apparently, God was using my strength to get through all these things to show others that they can get through their trials and tribulations too.  I never knew that.

Someone recently called me "the strongest person they ever knew".  I laughed inwardly because they didn't know how weak I was.  Then another person said it within 24 hours of the first.  What was I not seeing that these people were?  God wanted to show me that I am strong and I can do this.  I can have faith and not succumb to what is overcoming me right now.  I can stand and not be knocked over.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."--2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Imagine how much stronger I am now that I have faith on my side.