Doing "Right"

Oh the snow....

The kids had off of school for the entire week because of snow, cold, wind, blowing, drifting.  This puts a cramp in my work schedule because many kids at the daycare have parents who are teacher, and they don't come in when mom or dad doesn't have to go to work.  I worked two days this week.  The other days were lazy...very lazy.  And boring...so boring!

Cabin fever definitely set in. Then my body decided to throw something interesting into the mix by giving me a stomach virus on Thursday morning.  I know I was bored, but having to spend 12 hours with my head in a toilet was not what I was thinking when I wanted something to do.

My daughter and I binge watched Netflix.  It was good bonding time.

We slept a lot.  And ate a ton of junk food.  I believe we went through two boxes of 8-count Drumsticks in 3 days!  What can I say, we were just so lazy that cooking (even though we clearly had the time) just wasn't going to happen.

Bad mom award goes to....

We were so lazy that I put off reading my Bible each morning too.  Eh, to be completely honest, I started that a couple weeks ago...so ashamed.

I'm battling something lately.  I don't even know what specifically.  I'm just not feeling the whole "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" importance.  I keep making excuses in my mind.  "Who cares? God will forgive me anyway..."

I hate that mentality!

It's directly from the enemy.  Actually, whether you believe in the devil and his power over you or not, this mentality is the root of all evil.  I know the old saying is that money is the root of all evil, but that is wrong.  The rationalization of doing something you know and feel is wrong is where you stumble.  No, it's where you go crashing down.

Think about it:  You talk yourself into doing something that your inner self is saying not to do.  Yah, it's fun while it lasts.  But then the guilt sets in.  Guilt leads to depression and self loathing.  And that leads to anger. Oh that angry-go-round! All the while, you still try to rationalize what you did.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." -James 4:17 NIV

This has been on my mind lately.  I've been praying about it a lot.  I know clearly what the Bible says about divorce and dating/remarriage after divorce.  For the last month or two, the thought has been coming into my mind that I deserve to find someone new who will love me the way I am supposed to be loved.  Maybe God is doing this to give me that opportunity.  He's closing one door to open another.

Lies.

God blatantly says in the Bible that remarriage after divorce while my husband is still alive is adultery (Matthew 19:9).  (**Please see note at the bottom of this blog if you are offended by this realization).  But God also says that all sins except blasphemy are forgivable (Matthew 12:31-32).  Does this then mean that I can do it because I know I will be forgiven?

Does that mean you can steal a car because you will be forgiven?
Does that mean you can lie to a police officer because you will be forgiven?
Does that mean you can kill someone because you will be forgiven?

If you know it's wrong, but know you are going to be forgiven, do you automatically do it anyway?

I'd like to go back and change all the "you's" in all of that to "I's" or "me's", but I don't feel like it.  Point is, I'm not condemning anyone.  I'm speaking about myself.  Would I do wrong knowing I will be forgiven?  I have, and I'm sure I will because I am of the flesh, but I will fight the desires to do so.

"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the spirit have their minds set on what the spirit desires. The concern of the flesh is death, but the concern of the spirit is life and peace." -Romans 8:5-6

I kinda went off on a tangent here.  I had to reread all I wrote to get back to my point.

I'm battling with right and wrong lately in many aspects of my life.  And each time I choose wrong, I know it clearly because of the guilt.  Right now, although I'm so very lonely, when I think about maybe starting to date sometime after the divorce is official (which I suppose is going to be sometime this month), I'm condemned with guilt.  That's telling me it's wrong.  At least for now.  God will tell me if that will ever be right.

**IMPORTANT NOTE:  For all my divorced/remarried readers, I am certainly not here to condemn or shame you.  Jesus plainly says, "Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come". (Matthew 12:31-32) Divorce, remarriage or even adultery do not qualify for the unforgivable sin, so each person who commits those things can repent and be forgiven.  All you have to do is pray to God asking for forgiveness and then not do it again.  Easy peasy!