Broken

I am finding life to be harder and harder lately.  I am completely exhausted with everything going on and then tackling every day life on top of that.  I spent most of yesterday crying and begging God to stop doing this to me.  How long do I have to suffer to prove that I am returning to Him and will never leave again?

I feel so weak.
I feel so empty.
I feel so hurt and alone.

Pray for stength.
Pray for love.
Pray for healing and comfort.

Pray for Peace.

I am broken.  I am at the lowest I have ever been and all I am doing is looking straight up at God.  God, what do you want me to do now?  Where do I go now?

I'm in physical pain because of how much my heart hurts right now.  I so want to give up.  I want to curl up in my bed and sleep and not wake up.  I don't want to do this anymore because it's too hard.

Last night, I was so incredibly exhausted, my body ached terribly, tears streamed down my face constantly.  I collapsed in my bed and wanted to give up.  But I needed to fuel my faith so I googled "scriptures for when you are weak".  I found this one, third from the top:

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken." --Psalm 34:17-20

I have repeated this to myself for 24 hours straight now to reaffirm my faith.

I called a Christian Counseling Service today to make an appointment.  I feel like my therapist isn't understanding that God is what I need right now.  "I can't sleep," I said.  She said, "Try drinking warm milk." Um, are you kidding me?  She doesn't get it.  And since my church has foresaken me (or so I feel at least), I can't turn to my pastor or my usual prayer warriors.  I need someone who will stand by me in my faith and give me some guidance driven by God.  I need someone to quote scriptures to me when I am feeling weak and alone.  I need someone who will say a prayer with me.  I need someone who understands that because I trust God, I am letting Him handle this.

I have two friend who are being very, very helpful in that right now.  One of them lives close to me and she met me earlier today so I could cry and get a hug and she gave me Godly advice and prayer.  Another was in my same exact predicament a year ago and through her faith she got through it.  I can't thank God enough for giving them to me right now.