Worn

I had a really awful two days last week. I was so depressed and ended up crying at just about anything and everything. I was feeling very much like giving up.

Saturday I woke up feeling renewed and asked god to help me focus solely on the good. I spent all day with my kids enjoying the beautiful weather. I smiled and laughed and felt lots of love and joy. It was a good day.

Sunday and Monday weren't bad either. I didn't feel the heaviness and despair. I felt strong. I felt like I could do this.

Then there's today. I don't know if I'm extra tired or had too much time to think or what but I feel down. Every time something negative pops into my head I turn to god. We've been having a running conversation all day.

About an hour ago I got to a point where I got teary eyed because of this heavy feeling. I asked god to hug me. A minute later the song "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North came on the radio.

I’m Tired I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin

Yeah, I’m worn

Even before the day begins

Yeah, I’m worn

I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn

So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn

Yeah I’m worn

This song literally took words out of my mouth...or not my mouth but my head.  It's a beautiful song and reminded me that no matter how tired I get in this fight I still need to turn to God.  It also reminded me that I'm not alone.  Others are right there fighting the same fight I am.  Just because I am weak from time to time does not mean that I'm not good enough.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." --Romans 12:12

One last thing I want to say before I sign off. I realized recently that while I drive anywhere (and I have to drive a lot with bringing the kids to their activities and appointments and my own appointments lately) the devil attacks me most.  He puts negative thoughts into my head.  I worry, I resent, I just all around start feeling craptacular.  I started listening to Family Life Radio now whenever I am in the car in order to put these feelings at bay.  As soon as I start getting attacked by the devil, I just concentrate on the music and the words and I can feel God fighting off the negative intrusions.  Also, God speaks to me quite often through the songs (as he did above).  Going through something tough too?  Try it.